Talk About Gender

And What The World Needs To Do Right Now.

I’m Karen Keener, and I identify as a small breasted woman.

I went into a plastic surgeon last year and paid a large sum of money to have the gender and proportion affirming top surgery that I required to live a longer, healthier life.

Photo shows me in 2016 in a size zero jean with one breast in my bra and one breast out of my bra to demonstrate my proportions at my lowest weight and how bras minimize the appearance of large breasts. The tip of my finger is poking at my navel for perspective to demonstrate that my breast hangs lower than my finger.

Here’s how that story is going so far.

Last November, I had a breast reduction surgery which I waited my entire teen and adult life for. I forked over a load of cash that could have gone to other things for my family: a new car, innovative therapies for my son, a nest egg, stocking our freezer with traditionally farmed foods, grow lights and a greenhouse or a honeymoon since we never had one. I struggled a bit with feeling selfish for using the money on myself despite how painfully large I was. I felt that all my future goals rested on taking care of myself first so I could be better up to the task without crippling, debilitating back pain in my way.

To ensure the best outcome, I worked tirelessly and spared no expense sorting out my health to become as fit as possible in preparation for this life altering surgery. I take surgery seriously. Although this surgery was considered cosmetic, as I paid cash for it, my objectives were far more health outcome based. I wanted to preserve my health to be the most I could be for my family. Going under anesthesia with any risk of not coming out, even slight, was a huge concern for me. Also, after the surgery, I had to postpone some of my fitness goals to secure a healthy recovery. This was no small endeavor on my part researching risks and benefits to come to the final decision.

I’m going to jump ahead here to about 4 months after my surgery. I went into several stores trying to find a bra off a rack, only to find NOTHING fit me. I eventually took myself to a high end location for a professional fitting by appointment only and discovered, I was actually a final size of 34 F. Not A, B, C, D, DD, DDD but an F. And I was pretty upset. I didn't purchase a 34 F bra on that day because I couldn't bring myself to spend upwards of $70 on a bra after having such an expensive surgery to have a reduction. I was grievously depressed. I spent that weekend crying about how far away from my expectations this surgery result had been.

I have been saving the post breast reduction clothes I want to wear and activities I want to accomplish for over a decade in a file folder on my computer labeled "post boob job bucket list.” Well, the majority are still not possible after my surgery having such large breasts and continued back and neck pain.

As many of you know, I am not a fan of the medical industry as a whole. I see a lot of needless operations and medical interventions foisted on people that could be remedied otherwise with better health (physical and mental), nutrition and fitness. I put aside my feelings about the industry as a whole because I wanted to extend my health and longevity. The weight of my former breasts were exacerbating my back issues and undermining my future quality and length of life. Inflammation and stress are physically and emotionally destructive. The weight, literal weight of large breasts on a small frame are unavoidable causes of stress and inflammation on the body.

I had at least three MALE fitness experts tell me if I just worked out more to compensate I could better manage the pain of super huge breasts. The reality is, though, that working out, great as it is and as much as I have over my life with professional fitness coaches including one Miss Fitness USA winner, where I did two hours of workouts a day 5 days a week for years, and the neck pain, even at a younger age with all that focus on strength and fitness, never completely went away. The reality is that these male fitness experts were out of their depth suggesting I could just work out more to accomodate my breasts for the rest of my life. It was not going to get better for me or easier as I was getting older to work out enough hours per day to compensate for my gargantuan size on my slender, feminine body. Did I want to take up the hobby of spending all day in the gym, becoming a professional bodybuilder to compensate or even find out if it did indeed remedy all the pain? No. That’s extreme and while my goals are health and fitness related, that goal doesn’t fit harmoniously into my future calling. Moreover, I don't like defending this decision to have a reduction to men who dislike the idea of women (in general) getting smaller breasts.

For nearly a year since the surgery, I have been in a state of grief and limbo. I was offered the possibility of a revision by my doctor earlier on. So, I finally decided I wanted to take him up on it, having spent the past 7 months since the fitting feeling very upset to have spent all this money on a surgery that left me so huge and still dealing with back, neck and shoulder pain from the extra tissue on my body, somewhat sagging, heavy breasts, albeit a sizeable improvement from my former 34JJ-K cups. What I have as a result of my inadequate surgery is the pain of a normally well endowed person as opposed to that of a freakishly endowed person.

Still, if there were no scars, objectively looking at my photos, you'd think my “after” pictures were a “before” picture for most people getting a reduction or you’d assume these were “after” photos from a breast enlargement surgery. You would NOT think, absent the “before” photos that this was the end result of a breast REDUCTION surgery.

Also, I want to note that they aren't a typical F sized breast as the majority of excess tissue is on the sides near my armpits and some underneath. I literally have zero cleavage in the front and am rather flattened out in the front. The look of them despite being so big, is slightly deceiving to the untrained eye. Wearing an F cup bra, I have now no cleavage and not enough to "push up" in the medial front portion to even have the aesthetic "benefit" of having larger breasts. They aren't unsightly. Don't get me wrong. The scarring is minimal. They don't look socially (job interview) appropriate in clothes without a bra, and with F cups, strapless isn't much of an option. I typically wear sports bras presently.

Anyway, at the 3 month appointment when I was on the verge of tears, my doctor seemed optimistic in offering me a revision if the tissue didn't further decrease from typical reduction in swelling, which it ultimately did not. He told me it was possible to have a revision, and it would be a much easier surgery, with no drains and much shorter surgery and recovery. He seemed very optimistic.

However, when I came back last week to further inquire into it, after having an exam, while still standing up, like a body on display with my boobs still hanging out of my robe, naked and recently palpated by him, explaining that my fitting resulted in an F cup, he told me no less than 5 times he didn't believe I wore an F cup now. He is trained to recognize how much tissue is there. He just put his hands on them long enough to see, they are bigger than a handful. Essentially, when pressed to take responsibility, he continued to treat me as though I was lying to him.

Prior to this exchange, I had practiced empowerment postures to instill confidence. Also, I am a pretty strong woman. Otherwise, I think I might have shrunk to the floor in a puddle of tears. I’m astounded in hindsight by my composure.

He went on to play up the costs I would still have to pay for in the O.R. (it's his own building in his own office) and for the anesthesiologist and all his staff’s salaries (mentioning that his staff can't be expected to work for free). Dude, it's your mistake. You pay their salaries! I didn’t say that, but boy, I was thinking it.

Plus, he made a stink of how it would still be as extensive a surgery as the first time, 3 hours under anesthesia and a long recovery. He was doing everything he could to dissuade me from making that choice. He did say he'd wave his portion of the fees which was about $4,500 for a revision. That was some level of culpability that I think was the very least he could do. He also added when I inquired into how soon I could have surgery that he wasn't going to “bump anyone else's appointment” for me (not that I'd even asked) to imply I had assumed I wanted to be an imposition on his schedule and the time of other patients. He continued, “they have scheduled and waited for their surgeries.” Mind you, I was not being overly demanding at all. Despite being named Karen at an unfortunate time in history to have such a name, all I was asking from him was to take more personal responsibility for not delivering the excellent results which he strives for in his work and which he has written all over his website. “Commitment to excellence…”

He sent a receptionist back with a $2,700 price tag (of course, he left her alone with my husband and I to handle how I felt looking at that number- so much for caring about his staff) for a revision with the majority of that, $1500 for his own O.R. overhead fees for in part an ornately decorated huge new office building, with MK Ultra reminiscent artwork all around the hallways that were never a selling point for me. I didn’t see them until the day I came in for the actual surgery. Otherwise, I might have found another surgeon.

I asked if they could compromise on the O.R. fees somewhat as I was going to have to pay again with my sacrifice to my family in recovery time, having to have my MIL come out again from Texas to watch the kids who are homeschooled, etc. Nothing. She said, I could forgo some of the anesthesia medication if I wanted to save my money by feeling more pain after. Geez, thanks... She kept telling me that "Of course, it is your choice if you want to have the revision or not."

“Thank you, I'm not mentally impaired.” I told her, "I know it's my choice." But, she said it two more times like she was going out of her way to get a rise out of me. What's the point of being condescending? Was it just to shift responsibility back to me that I’m paying for my choice rather than the correction of the doctor’s mistake?

I come from a spiritual background so I am trying to remain positive, but I am left with a feeling of not only dissatisfaction and grief in the surgery outcome and the prospect of a future surgery to get what I came for initially, but also disappointment that a guy who seemed competent and sensitive in my earlier appointments was so underwhelmingly irresponsible in the face of what was clearly an error. Why gaslight me telling me he didn't believe me about my bra size? Why have the staff sent in to gaslight me making pointless statements to me repeatedly that had nothing to do with the topic at hand? I really didn't need, want or expect that kind of reaction. There's no need for gaslighting. I'm thoroughly disappointed in these people, and moreover, still in a state of grief and frustration for the time being at this surgery outcome.

I have my own feelings about the industry as a whole and how I could have or should have known better to expect this. On top of being in this office, getting gaslighted by a guy in a lab coat and his assistant while being topless, he had a video screen on that had 4 photos of a gender affirming surgery in which a person who identifies as a man was taken from having long, saggy breasts somewhat more deflated than mine initially down to an A cup size, essentially flat chested. It felt as though, I wasn’t taken seriously when I had initially said my desire would be to have a full mastectomy but to keep my nipples if possible. “However,” I stated, “I would be delighted with a B to C cup.” I asked whether a B to C cup as an end result from my initial size was out of the realm of expectation. He assured me that it was absolutely achievable. Seeing those photos almost made me feel like I was sexually discriminated against. Had I come back from a gender affirming surgery with the breasts I was given, there would be zero doubt or argumentation that my objectives had not been met. But, because I identify as a woman, in his mind, I suppose, I should still have a certain aesthetic. Forgive me if I consider this apparent double standard and discrepancy in his commitment to excellence to seem sexist.

My next step isn't to make a decision one way or another to take him up on his weak and condescending "offer" of forgoing his own fees to fix his own mistake. Of course, you forgo your own fees to fix your mistake. That's your sacrifice not mine. I shouldn't be made to feel "lucky" for someone honoring a contract of service. Doing what you should do at minimum to correct your mistake is not generosity.

I'm just going to focus for the time being on getting in the best shape of my life again. Should I receive an unexpected windfall of money or an offer of services to pay for a second surgery, I might be more inclined to spend it on the facility fees of someone who doesn't gaslight me. I don’t know, yet while I’m still emotional from this experience. I just don't know.

Photo shows me after breast reduction surgery this year wearing a sports bra.

Now, stick with me a little longer as I introduce you to Kayla Lemieux.

According to an article here, Kayla is a manufacturing technologies school teacher (shop class) at Oakville Trafalgar High School in Ontario, Canada who is in transition. I will use the gender pronouns “she” and “her” not to appease Kayla, but to demonstrate that if one takes another at their word, about his/her/zer preferred gender identity, we still end up with the same level of unhealthy human behavior outcomes that transcend gender issues. Whether in a classroom of minors and the implications therein or out in the general public with people of age, extreme sexual attention seeking behavior can be a sign of insufficiency of self-esteem and self-love.

Kayla, for example, apparently identifies as a sex object, hoping to be ogled by the teenage boys she primarily teaches in her particular field of expertise. She wears a prosthetic chest into the classroom which equates to the size of breasts I had while I was nursing my children with nipples sticking out in opposing directions. It’s almost identical to the way mine looked under a tight shirt with no bra on to support them. Needless to say, this look would have been unacceptable for me to pull off as a bank teller much less a high school teacher of hormone addled, teenage boys. I often joke about opening my door to Mormon missionaries without a bra on. I don’t want them to return, so I don’t actually do that.

Furthermore, the reality of natural breasts of that magnitude, as someone who lived with them, is that it is excruciatingly, debilitatingly painful! So, is Kayla identifying as a woman with crippling, life-destroying back pain? As a woman who had these breasts naturally, I wonder. Is Kayla identifying as an unhealthy person? That size breasts aren’t health affirming, I would know.

Furthermore, it’s harmful to the spine at that actual proportion and size to go braless. I had it explained by a qualified health practitioner after I had suffered some neuralgia in my spine that not wearing a bra for me was like taking a long dowel to represent my spine and tying two ropes to the top of it, each holding an 8 pound bowling ball on the opposite end of the rope to represent my pendulous, bottom heavy breasts sagging from the drag of gravity. The longer the ropes and the more movement of the balls, the more likely the stick will start to bend forward and possibly break. The best way to secure the stick would be to bind the balls as close to the center of the stick as possible. Contrary to the popular opinion that bras are always bad for women’s health, this is the benefit sports bras offer for long, heavy, pendulous breasted women. You don’t see us walking around like Kayla without some sort of support bra pulling them up, close to center in our day-to-day life unless we are about to get in the shower, go to bed or make love.

Of course, biologically speaking, Kayla does not have the slender frame of a biological woman. She doesn’t know the reality of what she identifies with. She’s entirely, aesthetically focused in her pursuit of womanhood. She doesn’t seem to see being ogled and objectified as a walking, talking pair of gigantic tits sticking in everyone’s face as a negative outcome. She has a choice every day she wakes up to choose something, anything to wear which is more appropriate for her chosen profession. She obviously wants the kind of attention that most women of that natural size seek out minimizers (bras that shrink the appearance of breasts) to avoid. I know. I am the blonde haired, giant breasted woman that Kayla seems to believe she identifies as/with. In most cases, where we see someone trying something and failing at it, we’d say “don’t quit your day job.” But since Kayla’s day job is in a school where she is seeking the sexual attention of teenagers, I can assure you that at her age, regardless of her gender, she needs to work on herself before she continues her pursuit of her literal day job. Meanwhile, she’s a threat to the children in her chosen profession and needs to be dismissed.

I shouldn’t have to say this. No one should. It’s painfully obvious. Kayla is working through her insecurities and desperate need for sexual advances on an underage and vulnerable population under her guardianship. If a cisgender, heterosexual male teacher were to wear a giant prosthetic cock and balls under skin tight, light colored, bordering transparent pants into a classroom of teenage boys and girls, he’d be sent home and investigated immediately. We all know this.

Meanwhile, I continue to do the most healthy and natural things I can do to carry on in my day-to-day experience to move toward my visions and goals, to live according to my values that prioritize vibrant health. I continue to work on my fitness to alleviate back pain and to help strengthen me so I can be the best wife, mother, teacher, gardener, writer and lover to leave the world around me a better place for having me in it.

If you would like to help fund me achieving my future health goals including bodywork, comfortable, properly fitted bras, anti inflammatory supplements to help with pain and potentially a future, health affirming revision surgery, please consider donating here. In a world where women get paid tens of thousands to fart in a jar on “OnlyFans” or repair their head from pasting their hair with “Gorilla Glue,” I think a mom with back pain and sensibility is a worthwhile investment. Let’s start to do what needs to be done to support people in our own lives and circles, for those who share our vision and values for vibrant health and home grown sustainability. If not to this cause, find another you believe in. Support independently funded journalists who counter the corporate collusion regime. Support single parents so they can homeschool their kids and leave the school system that protects those who perpetuate grooming and other unhealthy behaviors.

We need less of a war of ideologies and more action in creating the world we want to live in and leave for our children. Again, donate here if you can. Even if you can’t donate, please share with others.

Please and thank you for sharing this post and for your commitment in growing the sensibility required to save our children and the future of humanity.