I watched the saddest little TikTok video today. A mom was trying to console her young daughter who had been melting down over the prospect of adulthood and how miserable it looked. The mom kept agreeing with the daughter and telling her how she cried over that, too.
I think back to when I was a kid and how many kids my age couldn’t wait to grow up. I often heard from adults how their kids were trying to grow up too fast. Fortunately, I wasn’t personally in any hurry. However, a grim portrait of adulthood was painted for me by my well meaning parents trying to keep me appreciative of my youth. I was quite content with my life, despite the child abuse and all, until junior high when the bullying started and social life suddenly became personally unnavigable.
At this juncture, I didn’t want to exist.
We are looking at an epidemic of child suicides like we have never seen. In part, it has to be related (I would think) to our coping abilities as adults and parents to deal with all the garbage going on in the world right now, and the brave faces (or lack thereof) of joy we wear for our kids every day. Painting the future as bleak is not the way to make kids want to grow up and be eager for adulthood.
“Are we having fun yet?”
People used to parrot this somewhat ironic phrase as I was growing up. I asked many adults (particularly ones I dated) if they were happy. Many were not. Many had no idea how to answer that question. Quality of life is important, particularly for parents. Yes, you have kids, a car, a house, a job and some pets. On paper, you have a full life, but full is not your success in life. If full doesn’t equal fulfilled, it’s not enough. Your success in life is based entirely on your ATTITUDE.
This weekend, I had the privilege of hanging out with my friend from Candles In The Dark at AnarchoVegas, Terra Lyric. She was just let go from her nursing position for not taking a vaccine which has never been shown to prevent transmission of the illness for which it has been mandated to curb. In the wake of her job loss, was she sad and moping? No! She saw an opportunity to take the road trip she has been planning and visioning about for years! She was a little nervous to drive from Boston to Utah alone. Once she did, she had the most amazing time. She was sleeping well every night of the trip. She enjoyed the scenery. We had steak and lobster one night. Went out for Greek food another. We attended a health freedom summit together with famous doctors from all over the country. We spent Sunday at the Crystal Hot Springs! It was amazing!
My kids got to witness their parents and friends who are never afraid there aren’t enough resources or energy to enjoy life. We all had a great time! My kids aren’t afraid nor eager to grow up. They enjoy each day and live life to the fullest.
Before you get down on yourself for sending the wrong messages to your kids about how miserable life is once you grow up, stop and smell the roses. You don’t need another guilt trip or another thing to feel consequences and responsibilities about. You just need to lighten up!
I’d love to end this here, but there’s more.
There have been many times in my life I was so caught up in survival, so fatigued, so overwhelmed I couldn’t even picture what fun would look like for me. Can you imagine that? Or relate to it?
I luckily had a fantastic mentor series from Mary Morrissey where she instructed, “follow your longing and discontent.”
Some of you may be saying, “WHAT?! Focus on my misery?!?”
If you do feel a longing for something, be it a million dollars or an exciting vacation, think of how having those things could possibly make you feel or experience fulfillment. Follow THAT feeling. If you feel discontent with a situation, imagine finding its opposite. What would THAT feel like? Fantasize a little and think of small things you can do or enjoy to inch you just a little closer to those HIGH VIBE feelings of fulfillment.
My husband often jokes with me when I think of ordering something on the menu that costs $12 more than something else on the menu. He’ll say, “Oh, you’re worth that whole $12!” We laugh about that, but in fact, what I was saying to myself in that quandary over it was that I wasn’t worth 12 extra dollars. Often, as humans we get caught up in decisions over saving $2 here or $35 there. Compared to the value of your life, it’s all nothing. It’s irrelevant. We make our lives seem miserable, and worse, we project this worry and concern onto the definition of “adulthood.” Adulthood then becomes: when you reduce the value of your life to clipping a coupon and saving 30 cents on peas. No wonder parents are miserable and relating to a child who can’t handle the idea of growing up.
Sometimes, it’s fun to clip coupons or find a savings that allows you to do more than you could envision was possible. But if it’s just part of the struggle to survive, put the paper in the recycle bin and turn the scissors on some more creative endeavors. Make snowflakes or something. Hang them on the wall. Whatever you do, stop the routine of misery and saving to survive because you have lost all perspective.
So what are you longing for and what are you discontent with?
Share your thoughts and visions in the comments. Let’s see if we can start turning your adulthood around.