One of my all time favorite movies was and is “Yentl.” I know it’s weird.
I also enjoyed “Ishtar,” so sue me. I’ll get back to the movies in a minute.
This past week, I have been listening to one of my favorite podcasts hosted by Peter Quiñones of the Libertarian Institute called, “Free Man Beyond The Wall.” I listen to it while I pull up weeds in my garden. I was listening to music on YouTube (not enough time to make a playlist like normal people), but I can’t stand the commercials between songs. I also won’t pay those censorship fuckers a penny of my capital to clip my favorite independent journalists and commentators on the rapidly declining social state of earth while promoting morons who make everyone feel warm and fuzzy about communism. So, I get an hour plus of ad free content if I listen to Pete on YouTube.
I have issues. While I pull weeds, think of getting my garden growing and contemplating what I have in the kitchen to fix for dinner tonight (and hopefully not burn, I have burned soup, mind, you), I am thinking of these deep philosophical questions about the future of life on earth. What greater things would I like to create? What do I want a new earth to look like? How would I like it to function? What part can I play through my own podcasts in bringing about this new earth? How can I get more people to join me in this vision? What can I do about those who might try to stand in my way?
Just about this time, sweat drips into my eye balls and I have to lift my sunglasses to wipe my brow with the sleeve of my shirt. I go to pull another weed and the podcast ends, so it’s time to get up. My legs feel weak. My boots feel heavy to lift my foot over the 2 foot chicken fence. I walk to the table in the shade where my iPhone and blue tooth speakers sit safely out of the direct sun and hunt for an episode I haven’t yet listened to. My water bottle is sitting nearby. It’s not too hot yet. I take a couple swigs before hitting play, stretching a minute and heading back to my camping chair in the field. After I position my seat toward the next patch of tall weeds, I sit down and lean in thinking of how dirty and sweaty I am. I will spend two hours doing this. I will end feeling exhausted. I will be responsible for getting cleaned up, blogging, setting up my video equipment, possibly looking fancy for a podcast of my own, scheduling future speakers, and then taking all my vitamins, feeding myself my weird diet restricted food before it’s time to make dinner. Will I have the strength to make dinner? Probably not.
That’s when I hear this dialogue from “Yentl” not once but every.damned.day.
I’ll set the scene for you.
Yentl, disguised as a boy named Anshel has been coaxed into marrying her best friend, Avigdor’s beautiful fiancé, Hadass. She gets out of revealing her gender to Hadass by teaching Hadass the Talmud at night. She is actually very excited about this because she has never been able to talk about the Talmud with other women before. She loves Hadass as her first female BFF in a manner of speaking. Hadass on the other hand feels physically rejected by her “husband.” While she is finally getting some attention from her “husband” by studying Talmud, she has also been a woman all day. Her brain is basically mud by the time she’s finished making dinner.
Yentl: (excitedly) Then there's the midrash -legends, stories, dealing with legal issues. Two men dispute the ownership of a flock of chickens...
Hadass: While your books argue about chickens, I've had to pluck them. It's Friday. I've been up since dawn. I'm too tired to be a scholar on Fridays, Anshel. I'm sorry.
Yentl: I'm the one who's sorry, Hadass.
And CUT!
Well, poked actually. A thorn from this weed just jabbed my finger. Ouch!
You can see these two ladies have been duking it out in my thoughts. One is excited about advancing human civilization, midwifing it really, through the birthing of a new earth. The other is doing what a mom has to do to live in this new earth which requires more than microwave dinners or a drive-thru. I am inspired by the friends I have who are going for it: the ones who put together batches of pre-planned meals from stuff they grew or cultivated on their property. I am also inspired by those, like Pete, who are figuring out how to motivate and influence others toward lives of sovereignty. I feel somehow caught in the middle without enough strength for both. If I do what I love, I lose the garden and the chickens. I could lose the farm. Then, what’s the point?
I keep hoping with all my weight loss and detox journey, more of my strength will return. It has begun. I am getting more accomplished than I could have before. However, I still don’t have enough for everything. I started this year with all these big dreams and about 5 months in, I realized that the only thing standing in my way were my reserves of energy. I was tired all the time, and I knew something wasn’t right with my health. I could feel it. After 6 months, I have made my health goals my main focus. I just couldn’t let go of the dreams of my future farm, my podcast and my digital content creation to “save the world.” I can’t let go of the idea that I can make it all happen.
Will Yentl and Hadass ever live as one?