Crying In My Soup

Covid crazy is catching up with me.

The mountains of bullshit have been crashing down on thinking Americans for an incessant two years now. All we have to do is open our eyes and the illogical recommendations, the lack of regard for the scientific method among those touted as the “scientists” and the constant battle for civil liberties against the tsunami of self righteousness is all around us. I have little sympathy for those ferociously fighting for safety in a health emergency authorities and experts now admit only really harms the significantly unhealthy, morbidly obese and those on the verge of dying of old age anyway.

Some days, the only thing I can muster up any creativity for is in describing how shitty things are. This coming from your friendly, neighborhood, white pill pusher. As optimistic as I am, the only positive thing I can think about today is that if it’s always darkest before the dawn, we should soon see morning light.

But I don’t.

It is with a heavy heart that I admit I have a heavy heart.

I know this takes its toll on all of us, and we each have our special moments when we feel more down than up. Maybe, we need those moments to remain humble and to stay connected to the feelings of other mere mortals.

I do still strive to keep the balance light.

I look to my vision board for courage and inspiration. I can say, when I look on it, I feel a tiny bit lighter. These are the things I need now. A little soup bowl presently contains some water and spaghetti squash seeds I excavated from our dinner last week. It sits in the one sunny window in my whole 1900 sq ft house containing giant sprouts tangled together, several of which have twin green leaves reaching vertically to suck up that sun. It makes no difference to these seeds what bullshit people on earth are falling for or going along with this week. How can I be more like the seed? This is what I meditate on when I want to, when I have enough sense to ask: what do I need today? When I look at that bowl, I feel hope.

With hope comes sorrow. How sustainable is joy from a tiny seed sprouting in the dead of winter? I hate leaving you all with this unsettled feeling, this discord. I usually want to hand you the white pill to cure whatever ails you. I’m not doing that today.

Today, I just want to encourage you to find your own moments that give you strength, hope and courage. If you find something that for you truly “sparks joy,” feel free to share it with others. There will always be days like today, not always for everyone but eventually for someone. On days like today, even I could be better off on the receiving end of those little joys I usually bring to others.

I don’t want to sugar coat what’s going on around all of us, but I do want to say thank you for the light bringers. You are all light bringers. You may not have thought of yourself before as a light bringer. But you are and you must be what you are. It’s time to accept that role now in some small way, like the seed. You don’t have to have all your chakras in order to cast a tiny glow for someone in a darker place. You just need to think one marginally happier thought and put it out where it can grow.

So try it on, try it out- all by yourself- and report back to me how it goes.