Being True to My Boundaries

Tough love with myself.

Generally speaking, as an activist, I like being up to date on current affairs. I have my favorite sources, but on social media, I get it all. Of course, one can’t avoid the mainstream narratives. They are on billboards, gas station video screens and magazine covers in the check out at the grocery store. I was driving home from Smith’s the other day, and there’s this local hardware shop on the left before my turn. They have this LED sign on the front. It has scrolling messages. It said, “WE STAND WITH UKRAINE.” It made me almost sick to see the manufactured distress over another war. It was like USA for Africa. No one has cared this much for dozens of countries being wrongfully attacked over the past twenty years, some even now. Everything feels surreal. No one notices how lead around by the nose they are. How do they not know?

I questioned what messages I was putting out to counteract the bullshit. What I couldn’t reconcile was how little difference I seemed to be making. It was very exciting watching so many people wake up over the past two years. Then it was deflating, to watch all those people fall for the next big pile of crap. It really got to me.

I’ve been working on this boundaries course. It requires a lot of organization and planning. I also have my husband working insane hours. That leaves everything at home on my shoulders. It’s fine. My kids are easy. I noticed that as I was feeling disheartened, learning more and more about the latest fiction peddled as the only allowable facts on social media or any media, really, I was getting more stressed at home. I was having chest pains, migraines and just stress. Little by little, my patience with my kids was wearing thin. I was yelling multiple times a day every day. That was my wake up call. I don’t usually yell at all. It kind of started gradually and built up quickly. I was not myself.

I decided to give up dairy and sugars straight away to deal with the headaches. I started taking some ashwaganda for stress. It helped. Next, I added holy basil oil under my tongue twice a day. The yelling stopped immediately. The sense of urgency that made me feel I had no other choice but to yell subsided. As I started sleeping at the correct time (which is hard with the time change) my body calmed down, chest pains melted away and gradually my body became quiet. It became very clear as I looked at any stories of current affairs, that it was triggering some of my stress responses and tightness in my chest. I realized, I couldn’t do that to myself anymore.

I want dairy. I want sugar. I want to learn about current affairs. It’s just not good for me presently. What do I want inside my boundary? I want to have calm, gentle interactions with my children. I want to be their friend. I want my body to feel relaxed and comfortable. I want my mind peaceful and clear. I want to experience joy. The decisions that lead to those outcomes happen to exclude certain foods and activities. They happen to include healthier choices and certain supplements. It’s not the toughest tough love, but it’s important to me to protect what I want. That’s why I have placed some much needed boundaries on myself.

It’s hard to look at social media now. There’s still so much current affairs information. I can feel even the tiniest tidbits of current affairs I see or hear, cast a despair over my general outlook. Despair leads to body disharmony. I can feel it acutely. For the time being, and until such time as I get beyond this hopelessness and despair about the way things are right now, I am spending less and less time on social media.

It’s for my boundaries. I care more about the life I am creating and I hold on to it tighter than the habits that get me by.