A Bitch Or An Asshole?

Or neither. It's your prerogative.

I suspect that something in this little FB rant I constructed will later be articulated in relationship to boundaries. So, I’m going to as a place marker since I discovered in the past, my FB post or entire FB page, could be deleted in an instant and all of this lost.

Some people misunderstand when I say I really can’t embrace my inner bitch. They think it’s internalized misogyny. It’s not because I over identify with being a good girl. It’s because deep down, there is no bitch.

However, I have embraced my inner asshole.

There are some major distinctions. One is that being a bitch comes from giving a shit (about oneself). I do care about myself, but I show it in other ways. But, when I am an asshole, ironically, I don’t give a shit about much of anything.

I’m not calculatedly selfish like the bitch, granting herself permission to be number one like a Queen (which I do not discount for a minute). Get that thing, girl!

Being an asshole sometimes gives me a rare liberated moment of selflessness. The asshole arises in moments I just don’t care anymore about what other people are thinking or how they will feel much less about how I will come off or how much I need to focus on others. I’m not out to hurt your feelings or garner status, I just have a callous disregard for feelings sometimes (even if someone deserves a pointed snarky remark) because on my part, I have a liberating moment utterly lacking in concern for anything: not them, not me, not anything, really. Just being in the moment and living for the lulz. It’s very carefree to allow myself this occasional latitude usually after the fact. But there’s nothing regal about it. Like in hindsight I’m like, oh wait, someone may be offended by that. Hm, oh well… That’s gonna have to be their choice, conscious or otherwise. It’s too funny and too late to take it back now or apologize for a what if. Please, don’t be offended. Just enjoy.

I don’t want you to be hurt, but I’m not going to lose sleep if you make bad decisions for yourself. These are my thoughts in hindsight of whatever funny revelation I shared.

The bitch on the other hand is a little more deliberate, a little more focused on elevation of the self at the expense of others for a well warranted moment of personal grace. Being a bitch requires some intention, some forethought. Again, a dalliance of self aggrandizement is not a bad thing. It’s just not *my* thing. Hey, I applaud you in it and in the self love it took to allow yourself that latitude, Queen B. I totally get that part.

I’m just a little less graceful and premeditative about it and a little more accidental and reflective. That’s ok, too.

One consciously giving oneself attention, the other unconsciously giving less consideration and in hindsight, both are unapologetic.

The world is too hellbent on apologies these days. What are they worth, anyway?

If you are completely in the wrong, don’t be sorry, be better. If there’s nothing to apologize for, stand your ground.